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| Expert advice from leading San Francisco wedding and event designer, Taylor Nguyen |
 | My parents and I have different ideas on planning the wedding. My fiance and I love a particular mansion and it's within the budget, but my parents say it's too far away and on "dangerous" roads. The thing is, it's only further away for them. My fiance's family is equal distance to that site compared to other sites near my parents home that they like and we don't. I don't know what to do. She's shutting me out until she (my mom) get's her way. I'm going crazy with it. What should I do?! | | |  |  | Finding a venue that fits everyone's "vision" is truly a challenge. It sounds like your parents definitely have a clear favorite. It's best at this point to take a week or so break from the discussion. Then, calmly show your parents pictures of the mansion, and explain to them how you will actually save on decor, because the mansion is already very beatiful and ornate in architecture. Reaffirm the venue's convenience for a majority of guests. And lastly, let them know this location is your dream and your favorite, and that you would like their support. Also, if distance is an issue for them, consider getting them a hotel room near by. | |
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MOST RECENT Q & A
| Q: | Who and what do we tip? Our catering bill shows that gratuity is already added into the bill. As for everyone else, what is expected? | | A: | Let's start with a little clarification. There is a difference between tip and gratuity. A gratuity is added automatically into the food/beverage price and can range from 15-20 percent. A tip, on the other hand, is a voluntary gift given for excellent service. Here's a suggested list of vendors to tip. Of course, if a vendor not listed here goes above and beyond to make your day spectacular...by all means, show your appreciation.
BEFORE THE WEDDING
-Makeup & Hair: 15% of total bill |
-Rental delivery: $5-$20 per person |
-Chauffer: 15-20%
THE WEDDING
-Civil ceremony officiant: $50 to 75 |
-Clergy: $100 to $150 this if considered a donation, not tip |
-Ceremony Musician: $30 to $50 for those included in rental. $15 to $25 per hired musician |
THE RECEPTION
-Valet: $2 to $4 per car |
-Coat Check Attendant: $1 per coat |
-DJ/reception musicians: $15 to $30 per musician or 20% of booking fee |
-Wait staff: $20 per person, in addition to gratuity built-in |
-Bartender: $25 per person or 10% of total bar tab |
-Reception Site Manager/Maitre d': $50 or more per manager or 15 to 20% of final bill |
| | Q: | We're having a very casual wedding at the beach. Do I have to spend the money on programs? | | A: | Everything about wedding planning is about priorities. I strongly advise that you follow your individual taste and your budget. Do you like receiving programs when you attend an event? Does it make you feel more welcomed? Or do you generally toss them aside and feel they are wasteful? Only you know that preference. In terms of etiquette, there is no set rule that programs are required. The good news is that there are plenty of resources on this website to look through and find creative program ideas. To program or not, that is the question! | | Q: | Can I wear black to a wedding? Is that a faux pas? | | A: | It’s totally fine to wear black to an evening or black tie event. However, for a garden wedding—think of your own comfort first. Black absorbs heat and is quite stark for such a genteel event. Perhaps mix it up—try a floral black print, or do a colored top with a black satin or chiffon skirt. My point is, match the tone of the wedding don’t worry so much about the color. | | Q: | Is it okay to wear white to a wedding? | | A: | C’mon, it’s her wedding day. There are plenty of other colors or patterns you can wear for 8 hours. And if you by all means love, love your white linen sheath---wear some fabulous colored stones, silk scarf or clutch that will add color. Never ever let yourself be mistaken for the bride. That would make you a BEDNA (Bad Etiquette DNA). |
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