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| Expert advice from leading San Francisco wedding and event designer, Taylor Nguyen |
 | What is proper etiquette when the future mother-in-law (who is not married and is not able to contribute at all financially to the wedding) wants to invite 12 additional guests to the wedding that we do not have room or money for in our planning? These people are supposedly her "family friends" that my fiancee knows but isn't exactly close to. | | |  |  | The guest list is often a point of conflict between parents and couples. The most important thing is to assess how long would hurt feeling remain, and if you can possibly afford the extra guests for your long term peace with such a primary parent. If you and your fiance decide not to accommodate her requests, stick to this decision as a united front. Explain to her that you've allocated a set budget for the guest list and you cannot divert from your final number. | |
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MOST RECENT Q & A
| Q: | Who and what do we tip? Our catering bill shows that gratuity is already added into the bill. As for everyone else, what is expected? | | A: | Let's start with a little clarification. There is a difference between tip and gratuity. A gratuity is added automatically into the food/beverage price and can range from 15-20 percent. A tip, on the other hand, is a voluntary gift given for excellent service. Here's a suggested list of vendors to tip. Of course, if a vendor not listed here goes above and beyond to make your day spectacular...by all means, show your appreciation.
BEFORE THE WEDDING
-Makeup & Hair: 15% of total bill |
-Rental delivery: $5-$20 per person |
-Chauffer: 15-20%
THE WEDDING
-Civil ceremony officiant: $50 to 75 |
-Clergy: $100 to $150 this if considered a donation, not tip |
-Ceremony Musician: $30 to $50 for those included in rental. $15 to $25 per hired musician |
THE RECEPTION
-Valet: $2 to $4 per car |
-Coat Check Attendant: $1 per coat |
-DJ/reception musicians: $15 to $30 per musician or 20% of booking fee |
-Wait staff: $20 per person, in addition to gratuity built-in |
-Bartender: $25 per person or 10% of total bar tab |
-Reception Site Manager/Maitre d': $50 or more per manager or 15 to 20% of final bill |
| | Q: | We're having a very casual wedding at the beach. Do I have to spend the money on programs? | | A: | Everything about wedding planning is about priorities. I strongly advise that you follow your individual taste and your budget. Do you like receiving programs when you attend an event? Does it make you feel more welcomed? Or do you generally toss them aside and feel they are wasteful? Only you know that preference. In terms of etiquette, there is no set rule that programs are required. The good news is that there are plenty of resources on this website to look through and find creative program ideas. To program or not, that is the question! | | Q: | Can I wear black to a wedding? Is that a faux pas? | | A: | It’s totally fine to wear black to an evening or black tie event. However, for a garden wedding—think of your own comfort first. Black absorbs heat and is quite stark for such a genteel event. Perhaps mix it up—try a floral black print, or do a colored top with a black satin or chiffon skirt. My point is, match the tone of the wedding don’t worry so much about the color. | | Q: | Is it okay to wear white to a wedding? | | A: | C’mon, it’s her wedding day. There are plenty of other colors or patterns you can wear for 8 hours. And if you by all means love, love your white linen sheath---wear some fabulous colored stones, silk scarf or clutch that will add color. Never ever let yourself be mistaken for the bride. That would make you a BEDNA (Bad Etiquette DNA). |
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